I have often wondered why in life their are moments that seem to stick with us forever. A psychologist would say it must have been something traumatic or a very happy time for you to remember something that happened years earlier. That may indeed be true but a psychologist tends to focus more on negative things than positive. I know that for myself things that often stick with me are very simply a matter of being thought provoking and insightful to me and usually have to deal with things I have been pondering myself.
One of these instances happened to me recently. In the world we live in their are many times where judgements are brought upon people wether it be a simple matter of choosing who to surround ourselves with, or just dealing with the world we live in. I often remember of a talk given by Elder Dalin H. Oaks. The title of the talk is "Judge Not". I remember sitting in the back of a relief society room while on my mission and this talk seemed to speak to me very strongly. I guess one of the reasons it spoke to me so much is that I often had some of the same questions that Elder Oaks had.
I used to think of how am I supposed to not judge people as some scriptures say, yet I do need to make certain judgements about people in order to do the things God wants me too. Elder Oaks made a great point in that we are not to make final judgements against people as to condemn them to hell, but we are to make judgements as to who we should surround ourselves with, places we should go and other life decisions that may impact our eternal journey. We are to make intermediate judgments based on righteous gospel principles.
The following is seven guidelines when making Intermediate judgments. The fact of the matter is that all of us everyday make judgments about situations we encounter. As I first heard these things years ago I learned much about making judgments. Reading these things years later I am able to glean some valuable insights on how better to make intermediate judgments.
Guidelines by Elder Oaks:
First, a righteous judgment must, by definition, be intermediate. It will refrain from declaring that a person has been assured of exaltation or from dismissing a person as being irrevocably bound for hellfire. It will refrain from declaring that a person has forfeited all opportunity for exaltation or even all opportunity for a useful role in the work of the Lord. The gospel is a gospel of hope, and none of us is authorized to deny the power of the Atonement to bring about a cleansing of individual sins, forgiveness, and a reformation of life on appropriate conditions.
Second, a righteous judgment will be guided by the Spirit of the Lord, not by anger, revenge, jealousy, or self-interest. The Book of Mormon teaches: “For behold, my brethren, it is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; and the way to judge is as plain … as the daylight is from the dark night.
“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil” (Moro. 7:15–16).
The Savior taught that one of the missions of the Comforter He would send would be to assist in the judgment of the world by guiding the faithful “into all truth” (John 16:13; see also John 16:8, 11).
Third, to be righteous, an intermediate judgment must be within our stewardship. We should not presume to exercise and act upon judgments that are outside our personal responsibilities. Some time ago I attended an adult Sunday School class in a small town in Utah. The subject was the sacrament, and the class was being taught by the bishop. During class discussion a member asked, “What if you see an unworthy person partaking of the sacrament? What do you do?” The bishop answered, “You do nothing. I may need to do something.” That wise answer illustrates my point about stewardship in judging.
Fourth, we should, if possible, refrain from judging until we have adequate knowledge of the facts. In an essay titled “Sitting in the Seat of Judgment,” the great essayist William George Jordan reminded us that character cannot be judged as dress goods—by viewing a sample yard to represent a whole bolt of cloth (see The Crown of Individuality [1909], 101–5.
A fifth principle of a righteous intermediate judgment is that whenever possible we will refrain from judging people and only judge situations. This is essential whenever we attempt to act upon different standards than others with whom we must associate—at home, at work, or in the community. We can set and act upon high standards for ourselves or our homes without condemning those who do otherwise.
Sixth, forgiveness is a companion principle to the commandment that in final judgments we judge not and in intermediate judgments we judge righteously. The Savior taught, “Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). In modern revelation the Lord has declared, “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men” (D&C 64:10).
Seventh, a final ingredient or principle of a righteous judgment is that it will apply righteous standards. If we apply unrighteous standards, our judgment will be unrighteous. By falling short of righteous standards, we place ourselves in jeopardy of being judged by incorrect or unrighteous standards ourselves. The fundamental scripture on the whole subject of not judging contains this warning: “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” (Matt. 7:2; see also 3 Ne. 14:2).
The prophet Mormon taught, “Seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged” (Moro. 7:18).
A standard can be unrighteous because it is too harsh—the consequences are too severe for the gravity of the wrong and the needs of the wrongdoer. I remember a conversation with an LDS newspaperwoman who described what happened when she reported that the Prophet Joseph Smith received the golden plates in 1826, a mistake of one year from the actual date of 1827. She said she received about 10 phone calls from outraged Latter-day Saints who would not accept her admission of error and sincere apology and even berated her with abusive language. I wonder if persons who cannot handle an honest mistake without abusing the individual can stand up to having their own mistakes judged by so severe a standard.
(End of Elder Oak's Comments)
I really enjoy the comments of Elder Oaks and for those who haven't read his talk, I would strongly suggest reading it. His comments about this topic have been some of the greatest insightful words on this topic.
We may often find ourselves in a place where we need to make judgments, but in this day and age many people make quick judgments without all of the facts. It takes a true disciple of Christ having a great deal of charity to not make quick judgments. It takes this type of person to say I will reserve my judgment until I gather more facts.
During the day I work with mostly women, which at times can be a very daunting task. I say this because I believe when a work place is not balanced with near equal numbers that one group may get too comfortable. When people get too comfortable with their position or surroundings they often begin to find petty things to argue about or small insignificant things can be made into a HUGE issues. When I am asked to remedy the problem I often find that quick uninformed judgments have taken place. At these times past issues seem to be brought up as well, but that subject is a whole different ball of yarn to unravel.
The real issue that often comes into play is getting a person to see a situation from another's point of view. A comment I have heard many times is "You cannot slice cheese so fine that it does not have two sides". Many issues in life have multiple sides to it. I do believe that if we follow some simple rules in making intermediate judgments about situations and not people that all issues have a remedy. These remedies can always be found when we have charity in mind.
C.S. Mencl
This is the Place!!
Nauvoo
Monday, September 3, 2007
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Thoughts on Life
Over the past few years I have often thought, what are we to make of the ongoing chaos in the world today and in our own lives. When we look around how often do you see serious, quiet reflection from people on trying to deal with what we call life? As for what I see it is a world of violence it is a common theme of mine and those who have been around me lately have often heard me utter a similar phrase such as “There is too much Violence around here.” A question I often think to myself is am I a vindictive type of person that tries to right every wrong at all costs. I hate to admit it but it is easy to get caught up in the righting of every wrong so we feel better about a situation and not caring about the wake destruction that we leave. How often can we quiet that wake of destruction while also correcting problem. My answer to that question is it can be done every single time. The problem seems to be that when someone is wronged these days the goal is to make sure that we enact punishment upon them to the fullest extent we possibly can, this is done at the cost of ignoring mercy. I was once told that I live on an island in my own mind, but that is directly attributed to just ignoring the chaotic things in life that I don’t need to deal with. In life I seem to come across only a few types of people and I come in touch with many people each and everyday.
The types that I see are:
Type One: NON CARER: Don’t care about anything but themselves and being above everybody else. This type protects his things at all costs and with no concern for what happens to others. This type doesn’t really care too much about family (except maybe immediate family) or friends this type just wants to be on top and will do what it takes to get there.
Type Two: CARER: This type cares about people, environment, doing what is right, helping those in need, extending mercy, and being Christ-like in their behavior to the best of their ability.
Type Three: NON CARER IN A CARER’S DISGUISE: This type does everything in the name of righteousness in their opinion but actually has hidden agendas. They want to be seen as Christ-like and loving towards friends, family and the community, but when push comes to shove it is all about protecting his own at all costs with disregard for all others. Usually this type would be considered a KING or QUEEN of GOSSIP, the type that just has to have drama in their life and seems to find it.
When you look at the three types of people I have identified it is easy to see these types in the world. While some people may be only one type many people might even be at times switching from one type to the other depending on situations in their life. People are creatures of habit and usually a person is more in only one category but at times may be persuaded by good or bad and may change out of their dominant category in a given situation.
When looking at these categories you may think that the Non-Carer is the worst of them all, but he isn’t because with that one you know what you are getting the writing is on the wall so to speak. They don’t pretend to be your friend they don’t pretend to care, so at least you know where you stand with them. They don’t extend mercy to anyone, they are problem finders. They are not your friend and they are sure to let you know it.
The Carer is obviously the desired category and what hopefully most people are striving towards. This type has many friends and is well thought of by most others. This type has a cheerful personality, is always looking to extend a helpful hand. Is the type that will extend mercy in every way possible? They are goal oriented and driven people. They are Christ like solution finders to life’s problems. This group is not prideful; they accomplish greatness without fanfare or boasting about themselves. They don’t focus on obtaining more although they may have more then they need as a side benefit because of how they live their life. Their actions show that they believe in Christ.
The absolute worst category which unfortunately seems to be an ever growing category is the Non Carer in a Carer’s Disguise. This type of person always finds something wrong with others or with something that they see. They are problem finders. Some in this category seem to always know everything about every subject. They don’t extend mercy to those who wrong them it is with quick thinking vindictive judgments that they act upon. This type usually likes to gossip about anything and everything, they make friends and burn bridges with many of them. They seem to be never at fault for anything. In their past time they see gossip as recreation, they try to get more and more people caught up in their gossip. The do this to make themselves feel better and try to validate their feelings and actions. They always find drama. This is the type that can find drama on a perfect summer day picnic they could even be the only one on the picnic, so you see they even find conflict with themselves. This type always wants more money, but passes that want off by hiding it under some disguise; they claim everything they do is for the greater good. They are prideful about themselves and in their own abilities and always praising what they have done to others. This type may claim to believe in God but their actions are far from substantiating that belief. The most unfortunate thing about this group is that many times these people are in your own family.
I often find myself in quiet reflection which seems to always lead me to the South Pacific a place I long to go. I don’t want to go to any tourist trap but an island in the middle of the ocean where all I hear is the ocean and the wind, maybe even a few coconuts dropping to the ground. Although I know this place is unrealistic to live in I often think what if it was possible to live in a non-violent environment. I think everyone should have a place that they can go to in their mind where they can get away from the hostility in today’s society.
At this point one may ask themselves what is the point of this writing. The point of this writing is for the reader to evaluate themselves and see what category they are in most of the time. The point isn’t to pat yourself on the back and say you’re doing pretty well, but to intensely evaluate where you stand as a person, friend, spouse, or family member. Then to see where you can improve in your own life and what attributes you personally need to learn. Once you have identified where you need to improve then you need to put in an action plan where by you can accomplish your goals of improvement.
To do this sincerely means that you are honest in your self evaluation and honest in your goals to improve. If you are merely going through the motions just to say you did it then you missed the point and accomplish little to nothing at all.
Many times you may have heard people who say they are going to change their ways and then they outline what their problems are and what they are going to do, but as is the case all to often the changes are short term and the person often reverts back to their comfortable habits. That is why a step by step approach is best. To do this is to outline in writing your areas you want to work on and then develop an action plan to fix those areas. In this plan you must develop emergency procedures that are used when you see yourself starting to revert to your old ways and habits. You must have a daily substitute for the undesirable attribute.
An example of this would be say people at work are gossiping at lunch instead of being a part of it or being silent you can choose two options to show how you don’t condone gossip. You can attack it straight on each day it is done and say you don’t agree with it. Another method would be to state you don’t agree with it and then make sure you’re not in the area where gossip takes place even if it means that you end up eating your lunch by yourself. The second method is best because you cannot be corrupted into gossiping when you are not around it; also it provides you some quiet reflection time if you eat lunch by yourself.
The previous example was and easier one as far as finding a solution to it. Other problem areas may be harder to find a solution to such as showing mercy to those who have wronged you. To do this takes a very collected person to be able to sit back and take in a situation that happened to them or their loved ones and see the action from the opposite point of view, and then to feel compassion for the person who wronged them and truly wanting to help them. Many in this instance try to punish the person to the fullest extent of the law and pass it off as saying it is for the person’s own good. I would say that attitude sure doesn’t have mercy in it and is definitely not part of God’s plan. A good example of punishment without mercy can often be seen in our current legal structure although instances of mercy can also be found in the legal system but with a lot less regularity. When trying to extend mercy a statement one can often think of is, what would Christ do? The answer is to forgive them, but not just to forgive. If possible find a way to help them or to get them the help that they need. All too often in life a person is fiercely punished when they wrong someone. Those who seek to punish do it with malicious intent usually. Things can always be worked out if we have an eye single to the glory of god.
Each person has their own difficulties and has to find their own solutions. There are some good sources though to help find solutions and things we can do each day that will help us gain perspective. There are many things we can do but I will list some of my personal favorites. I like to listen to Stephen R. Covey CD’s, reading scriptures (most obvious), meditation, praying, singing and listening to good songs, watching uplifting movies, give service to those in need, read uplifting magazines or books. Those are just a few possible things that a person can add to their life which may replace the time you spend engaged in some of the undesirable habits and also to help you to develop the desirable habits.
I thank all those who sincerely read my written thoughts and actually try to improve themselves. Throughout all the conflict in life if we each try to improve ourselves the world will be a kinder, more gentle and Christ like place for us to inhabit.
C.S. Mencl
The types that I see are:
Type One: NON CARER: Don’t care about anything but themselves and being above everybody else. This type protects his things at all costs and with no concern for what happens to others. This type doesn’t really care too much about family (except maybe immediate family) or friends this type just wants to be on top and will do what it takes to get there.
Type Two: CARER: This type cares about people, environment, doing what is right, helping those in need, extending mercy, and being Christ-like in their behavior to the best of their ability.
Type Three: NON CARER IN A CARER’S DISGUISE: This type does everything in the name of righteousness in their opinion but actually has hidden agendas. They want to be seen as Christ-like and loving towards friends, family and the community, but when push comes to shove it is all about protecting his own at all costs with disregard for all others. Usually this type would be considered a KING or QUEEN of GOSSIP, the type that just has to have drama in their life and seems to find it.
When you look at the three types of people I have identified it is easy to see these types in the world. While some people may be only one type many people might even be at times switching from one type to the other depending on situations in their life. People are creatures of habit and usually a person is more in only one category but at times may be persuaded by good or bad and may change out of their dominant category in a given situation.
When looking at these categories you may think that the Non-Carer is the worst of them all, but he isn’t because with that one you know what you are getting the writing is on the wall so to speak. They don’t pretend to be your friend they don’t pretend to care, so at least you know where you stand with them. They don’t extend mercy to anyone, they are problem finders. They are not your friend and they are sure to let you know it.
The Carer is obviously the desired category and what hopefully most people are striving towards. This type has many friends and is well thought of by most others. This type has a cheerful personality, is always looking to extend a helpful hand. Is the type that will extend mercy in every way possible? They are goal oriented and driven people. They are Christ like solution finders to life’s problems. This group is not prideful; they accomplish greatness without fanfare or boasting about themselves. They don’t focus on obtaining more although they may have more then they need as a side benefit because of how they live their life. Their actions show that they believe in Christ.
The absolute worst category which unfortunately seems to be an ever growing category is the Non Carer in a Carer’s Disguise. This type of person always finds something wrong with others or with something that they see. They are problem finders. Some in this category seem to always know everything about every subject. They don’t extend mercy to those who wrong them it is with quick thinking vindictive judgments that they act upon. This type usually likes to gossip about anything and everything, they make friends and burn bridges with many of them. They seem to be never at fault for anything. In their past time they see gossip as recreation, they try to get more and more people caught up in their gossip. The do this to make themselves feel better and try to validate their feelings and actions. They always find drama. This is the type that can find drama on a perfect summer day picnic they could even be the only one on the picnic, so you see they even find conflict with themselves. This type always wants more money, but passes that want off by hiding it under some disguise; they claim everything they do is for the greater good. They are prideful about themselves and in their own abilities and always praising what they have done to others. This type may claim to believe in God but their actions are far from substantiating that belief. The most unfortunate thing about this group is that many times these people are in your own family.
I often find myself in quiet reflection which seems to always lead me to the South Pacific a place I long to go. I don’t want to go to any tourist trap but an island in the middle of the ocean where all I hear is the ocean and the wind, maybe even a few coconuts dropping to the ground. Although I know this place is unrealistic to live in I often think what if it was possible to live in a non-violent environment. I think everyone should have a place that they can go to in their mind where they can get away from the hostility in today’s society.
At this point one may ask themselves what is the point of this writing. The point of this writing is for the reader to evaluate themselves and see what category they are in most of the time. The point isn’t to pat yourself on the back and say you’re doing pretty well, but to intensely evaluate where you stand as a person, friend, spouse, or family member. Then to see where you can improve in your own life and what attributes you personally need to learn. Once you have identified where you need to improve then you need to put in an action plan where by you can accomplish your goals of improvement.
To do this sincerely means that you are honest in your self evaluation and honest in your goals to improve. If you are merely going through the motions just to say you did it then you missed the point and accomplish little to nothing at all.
Many times you may have heard people who say they are going to change their ways and then they outline what their problems are and what they are going to do, but as is the case all to often the changes are short term and the person often reverts back to their comfortable habits. That is why a step by step approach is best. To do this is to outline in writing your areas you want to work on and then develop an action plan to fix those areas. In this plan you must develop emergency procedures that are used when you see yourself starting to revert to your old ways and habits. You must have a daily substitute for the undesirable attribute.
An example of this would be say people at work are gossiping at lunch instead of being a part of it or being silent you can choose two options to show how you don’t condone gossip. You can attack it straight on each day it is done and say you don’t agree with it. Another method would be to state you don’t agree with it and then make sure you’re not in the area where gossip takes place even if it means that you end up eating your lunch by yourself. The second method is best because you cannot be corrupted into gossiping when you are not around it; also it provides you some quiet reflection time if you eat lunch by yourself.
The previous example was and easier one as far as finding a solution to it. Other problem areas may be harder to find a solution to such as showing mercy to those who have wronged you. To do this takes a very collected person to be able to sit back and take in a situation that happened to them or their loved ones and see the action from the opposite point of view, and then to feel compassion for the person who wronged them and truly wanting to help them. Many in this instance try to punish the person to the fullest extent of the law and pass it off as saying it is for the person’s own good. I would say that attitude sure doesn’t have mercy in it and is definitely not part of God’s plan. A good example of punishment without mercy can often be seen in our current legal structure although instances of mercy can also be found in the legal system but with a lot less regularity. When trying to extend mercy a statement one can often think of is, what would Christ do? The answer is to forgive them, but not just to forgive. If possible find a way to help them or to get them the help that they need. All too often in life a person is fiercely punished when they wrong someone. Those who seek to punish do it with malicious intent usually. Things can always be worked out if we have an eye single to the glory of god.
Each person has their own difficulties and has to find their own solutions. There are some good sources though to help find solutions and things we can do each day that will help us gain perspective. There are many things we can do but I will list some of my personal favorites. I like to listen to Stephen R. Covey CD’s, reading scriptures (most obvious), meditation, praying, singing and listening to good songs, watching uplifting movies, give service to those in need, read uplifting magazines or books. Those are just a few possible things that a person can add to their life which may replace the time you spend engaged in some of the undesirable habits and also to help you to develop the desirable habits.
I thank all those who sincerely read my written thoughts and actually try to improve themselves. Throughout all the conflict in life if we each try to improve ourselves the world will be a kinder, more gentle and Christ like place for us to inhabit.
C.S. Mencl
