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Nauvoo

Monday, August 27, 2007

WHO TAKES OFFENSE ???


Often in life we hear about those who take offense to comments made by others. It is a very interesting situation when somebody makes this claim. Usually a few things exist when one makes this claim. The first situation which may exist is that when the statements are claimed to be offensive it is because they hit the person to the core and they usually seem to be guilty of those things that is why they take offense to them. Most people can’t take criticism of their actions in life without taking offense. It is something that most people have a difficult time dealing with.
I have selected a quote and a few scriptures that illustrate certain points that are a cause of great reflection in most individual’s lives. The first is a quote from Elder Bednar regarding taking offense.

When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.
In many instances, choosing to be offended is a symptom of a much deeper and more serious spiritual malady. Thomas B. Marsh allowed himself to be acted upon, and the eventual results were apostasy and misery. Brigham Young was an agent who exercised his agency and acted in accordance with correct principles, and he became a mighty instrument in the hands of the Lord
Elder Bednar

2 And it came to pass that I said unto them that I knew that I had spoken ahard things against the wicked, according to the truth; and the righteous have I justified, and testified that they should be lifted up at the last day; wherefore, the bguilty taketh the ctruth to be hard, for it dcutteth them to the very center.
1 Nephi 16:2

And so on unto the second and third time; and as oft as thine enemy repenteth of the trespass wherewith he has trespassed against thee, thou shalt aforgive him, until seventy times seven.
D&C 98:40

10 I, the Lord, will aforgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to bforgive all men
D&C 64:10

The scriptures that I cited are some of my favorite ones. They are some difficult scriptures to live by for most people. I know that it is difficult when people say things that are hard for you to hear, but it is at that moment that maybe we should really be listening to those words and give them some thought and analyze our own actions. When we do see things that we let offend us we should forgive people for making those comments. The last scriptures are about forgiveness. It is required by all of us in this mortal existence and it is part of our test to be able to do this. As the author of some of the thoughts expressed my intention isn’t to let the reader think that I have mastered these aspects. I am merely trying to do my best at putting off the natural man and working on improving these things in my life. I had the fortunate opportunity to teach gospel doctrine the other day. The topic of the lesson was to Live By the Spirit. That is often an aspect of life that goes ignored at times by people. We should let the spirit guide our actions in all that we do.

In life there are some instances where we need to see where we stand as a person and as a family. When difficult times arise it is often a time where people reflect on their own life and the lives of their family. This is fundamentally a natural reaction to extreme stressors in life. A good example of this is the 911 tragedy. This isn’t the desired way to have an accountability as to where we stand as a person and family. We should have periodic times set aside where we evaluate where we stand and how we are progressing in the eternities. We should evaluate what we are doing to help our loved ones and those we come in contact with regarding their progression into the eternities. In times of conflict it is a time for families to stand together and to support one another. The greater good can be achieved when families stand together.
It has been the experience of mine that most things in this world are aimed at tearing the family dynamic apart. When we as family members look at situations with the long term in mind we are more able to accurately assess difficult situations. It is the case that a great war has been in progress for years against the family and the war continues to get worse. We can see this by the influences of the media. Many of God’s laws are broken in stories, movies and depictions in the media and are presented to us as being acceptable. These influences serve as to tear down the family and leave it looking much like a war torn battlefield. It is at time like that when a family should rally around eternal principles and bind one to another and rise above all the evil influences in life. Media is just one example that looks to tear down the family there are many other examples in life that can tear down the family as well. There are even examples that tear down the family without us knowing it. These hidden curses may be all around us and say that they protect life and liberty of all people but in the end some are treated preferentially because of position or status. They serve to protect whom they will despite circumstances and punishment is enacted by some as to make them look good or to lift themselves up in their career or position. It is so odd to me to see how some because of their position and status have a blind eye turned toward their actions. The examples of these instances are so numerous it is almost impossible for a person to name all such examples.
Although there are some popular people that many know of who have had a blind eye turned towards their actions. Just to name a few Leonard Little and Ray Lewis. I don’t mean to point fingers at those two, but if you saw the situations they were involved with I would ask who protected the families that these two people harmed. We can often see how protection is often one sided. This may be a long example but it is meant to make a person think about the fact that we may think we are protected but when it comes down to it all it takes is someone in a higher position, status or popularity to try and tear us down and we will see that they are the ones being protected and we are left on an island where no support is given to us. The only support those may be able to rely on is from their own family, but even that isn’t a given. Many times our own families are quick to bail out on us and leave us stranded in time of conflict and distress. So you see the only one we can truly rely on in life is our Father in Heaven. He will always be there to help and his judgements are just, but filled with mercy. That is why he is the only one any of us would want to be judged by when we have a final accounting of our actions in this life.
C.S. Mencl
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5 comments:

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
August 28, 2007 at 11:11 PM
Carol said...

I love your comments on thoughts. I have been in search of my own sanctuary lately. I found one this past weekend that reminded me of your desire to go to an island. But, I need one here, close by. I so agree with taking the opportunity to daily read the scriptures, to read uplifting things and fill our lives with all good things. I should buy the Steven Covey tapes and spend more time in meditation.
As a side note, I read the two books by J. Golden Kimball to one of my sisters that needed lifting up. She said she never heard me swear so much! At least I got to laugh for a few moments. My favorite is the financier being shown around SLC and Golden driving past the temple without saying anything about it and the financier asked him what it was and how long it took to build it and Golden saying, "Damn if I know. It wasn't there yesterday!"
Funny!

August 28, 2007 at 11:13 PM
Anonymous said...

I really enjoyed reading your thoughts. They were inspiring! I am learning these lessons in Life. There have been many hard jolts to help me learn them. I still have more to learn. As your father, I am extremely proud of you for your insights. I love your direction of self assessment. It leaves judgment to the Lord with no accusations. Some people are blind to their own imperfections because they never take the time to look. Did some of these thoughts come while meditating at the Nauvoo Temple? Thanks for sharing!

August 29, 2007 at 12:23 AM
James and Angela said...

I find your comments EXTREMELY insightful. I know you aren't aware of everything my husband has been through in his life, but he has LITERALLY been judged and accused for things he did not do by people who were in authority and SHOULD have protected him. Why? because of the exact things you mentioned in your blog, because of people who use others to get ahead, people who we assume will be there when we need help, people who ultimately have power and authority to serve and protect but have become corrupted. He was lucky to have his family stake everything (even declaring bankruptcy) to help him. Even thought they aren't perfect, they have helped me learn how a family should rally around one another. My husband was not as fortunate with his own wife, she divorced him and he lost everything, his desire to become a pilot, gone, his hope and dreams, gone. It is only now that he feels he is able to rebuild a new life. You are so very right,the Savior is the only one we can truly trust and confide in. Christ has already paid for our sins and is the only one fit to judge us and completely comfort us with his spirit. Hopefully the rest of us will learn charity before it is too late and we stand before the Lord and have to claim, no I could not forgive this person. Then the Lord will say to us, I cannot forgive you for your sins because you cannot forgive this person. Thank you for being a great brother and I appreciate your lovely wife. You both have hearts of gold and that is a rarity in this world. I appreciate the MANY times I've needed help and have been given it very willingly and very charitably by you, without complaint and without judgement or any thought of repayment. I also enjoy reading your blog because it reminds of the person I want to become and the people I need to surround myself with so I can become better. Thank you for your kind and supportive words and charitable heart.

August 29, 2007 at 5:33 AM
C.S. Mencl said...

To answer the one question about my blog. These questions are directed to everyone, especially those who find something wrong with these thoughts. It takes a prideful person to find something wrong with these comments because they are meant for each of us to have a moment of self reflection and try to improve ourselves. If anyone is offended by them read the second posting. As for the comment of me hiding behind a blog, I never hide from anything I could have posted the comments as anonymous, the reason I don't call people is for one I don't have the time I am a really busy person my job keeps me very busy between treating hundreds of patients per week and doing lectures after work, i don't get home till late and i use that time to spend with my family. I find time to write in my blog, study and write business plans at midnight. My weekend is reserved for family activities and to do my church callings. As well as finalizing alea's adoption, helping my preggy wife.

August 29, 2007 at 11:14 PM

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Thoughts on Life

Over the past few years I have often thought, what are we to make of the ongoing chaos in the world today and in our own lives. When we look around how often do you see serious, quiet reflection from people on trying to deal with what we call life? As for what I see it is a world of violence it is a common theme of mine and those who have been around me lately have often heard me utter a similar phrase such as “There is too much Violence around here.” A question I often think to myself is am I a vindictive type of person that tries to right every wrong at all costs. I hate to admit it but it is easy to get caught up in the righting of every wrong so we feel better about a situation and not caring about the wake destruction that we leave. How often can we quiet that wake of destruction while also correcting problem. My answer to that question is it can be done every single time. The problem seems to be that when someone is wronged these days the goal is to make sure that we enact punishment upon them to the fullest extent we possibly can, this is done at the cost of ignoring mercy. I was once told that I live on an island in my own mind, but that is directly attributed to just ignoring the chaotic things in life that I don’t need to deal with. In life I seem to come across only a few types of people and I come in touch with many people each and everyday.

The types that I see are:

Type One: NON CARER: Don’t care about anything but themselves and being above everybody else. This type protects his things at all costs and with no concern for what happens to others. This type doesn’t really care too much about family (except maybe immediate family) or friends this type just wants to be on top and will do what it takes to get there.

Type Two: CARER: This type cares about people, environment, doing what is right, helping those in need, extending mercy, and being Christ-like in their behavior to the best of their ability.

Type Three: NON CARER IN A CARER’S DISGUISE: This type does everything in the name of righteousness in their opinion but actually has hidden agendas. They want to be seen as Christ-like and loving towards friends, family and the community, but when push comes to shove it is all about protecting his own at all costs with disregard for all others. Usually this type would be considered a KING or QUEEN of GOSSIP, the type that just has to have drama in their life and seems to find it.

When you look at the three types of people I have identified it is easy to see these types in the world. While some people may be only one type many people might even be at times switching from one type to the other depending on situations in their life. People are creatures of habit and usually a person is more in only one category but at times may be persuaded by good or bad and may change out of their dominant category in a given situation.

When looking at these categories you may think that the Non-Carer is the worst of them all, but he isn’t because with that one you know what you are getting the writing is on the wall so to speak. They don’t pretend to be your friend they don’t pretend to care, so at least you know where you stand with them. They don’t extend mercy to anyone, they are problem finders. They are not your friend and they are sure to let you know it.

The Carer is obviously the desired category and what hopefully most people are striving towards. This type has many friends and is well thought of by most others. This type has a cheerful personality, is always looking to extend a helpful hand. Is the type that will extend mercy in every way possible? They are goal oriented and driven people. They are Christ like solution finders to life’s problems. This group is not prideful; they accomplish greatness without fanfare or boasting about themselves. They don’t focus on obtaining more although they may have more then they need as a side benefit because of how they live their life. Their actions show that they believe in Christ.

The absolute worst category which unfortunately seems to be an ever growing category is the Non Carer in a Carer’s Disguise. This type of person always finds something wrong with others or with something that they see. They are problem finders. Some in this category seem to always know everything about every subject. They don’t extend mercy to those who wrong them it is with quick thinking vindictive judgments that they act upon. This type usually likes to gossip about anything and everything, they make friends and burn bridges with many of them. They seem to be never at fault for anything. In their past time they see gossip as recreation, they try to get more and more people caught up in their gossip. The do this to make themselves feel better and try to validate their feelings and actions. They always find drama. This is the type that can find drama on a perfect summer day picnic they could even be the only one on the picnic, so you see they even find conflict with themselves. This type always wants more money, but passes that want off by hiding it under some disguise; they claim everything they do is for the greater good. They are prideful about themselves and in their own abilities and always praising what they have done to others. This type may claim to believe in God but their actions are far from substantiating that belief. The most unfortunate thing about this group is that many times these people are in your own family.

I often find myself in quiet reflection which seems to always lead me to the South Pacific a place I long to go. I don’t want to go to any tourist trap but an island in the middle of the ocean where all I hear is the ocean and the wind, maybe even a few coconuts dropping to the ground. Although I know this place is unrealistic to live in I often think what if it was possible to live in a non-violent environment. I think everyone should have a place that they can go to in their mind where they can get away from the hostility in today’s society.

At this point one may ask themselves what is the point of this writing. The point of this writing is for the reader to evaluate themselves and see what category they are in most of the time. The point isn’t to pat yourself on the back and say you’re doing pretty well, but to intensely evaluate where you stand as a person, friend, spouse, or family member. Then to see where you can improve in your own life and what attributes you personally need to learn. Once you have identified where you need to improve then you need to put in an action plan where by you can accomplish your goals of improvement.

To do this sincerely means that you are honest in your self evaluation and honest in your goals to improve. If you are merely going through the motions just to say you did it then you missed the point and accomplish little to nothing at all.

Many times you may have heard people who say they are going to change their ways and then they outline what their problems are and what they are going to do, but as is the case all to often the changes are short term and the person often reverts back to their comfortable habits. That is why a step by step approach is best. To do this is to outline in writing your areas you want to work on and then develop an action plan to fix those areas. In this plan you must develop emergency procedures that are used when you see yourself starting to revert to your old ways and habits. You must have a daily substitute for the undesirable attribute.

An example of this would be say people at work are gossiping at lunch instead of being a part of it or being silent you can choose two options to show how you don’t condone gossip. You can attack it straight on each day it is done and say you don’t agree with it. Another method would be to state you don’t agree with it and then make sure you’re not in the area where gossip takes place even if it means that you end up eating your lunch by yourself. The second method is best because you cannot be corrupted into gossiping when you are not around it; also it provides you some quiet reflection time if you eat lunch by yourself.

The previous example was and easier one as far as finding a solution to it. Other problem areas may be harder to find a solution to such as showing mercy to those who have wronged you. To do this takes a very collected person to be able to sit back and take in a situation that happened to them or their loved ones and see the action from the opposite point of view, and then to feel compassion for the person who wronged them and truly wanting to help them. Many in this instance try to punish the person to the fullest extent of the law and pass it off as saying it is for the person’s own good. I would say that attitude sure doesn’t have mercy in it and is definitely not part of God’s plan. A good example of punishment without mercy can often be seen in our current legal structure although instances of mercy can also be found in the legal system but with a lot less regularity. When trying to extend mercy a statement one can often think of is, what would Christ do? The answer is to forgive them, but not just to forgive. If possible find a way to help them or to get them the help that they need. All too often in life a person is fiercely punished when they wrong someone. Those who seek to punish do it with malicious intent usually. Things can always be worked out if we have an eye single to the glory of god.

Each person has their own difficulties and has to find their own solutions. There are some good sources though to help find solutions and things we can do each day that will help us gain perspective. There are many things we can do but I will list some of my personal favorites. I like to listen to Stephen R. Covey CD’s, reading scriptures (most obvious), meditation, praying, singing and listening to good songs, watching uplifting movies, give service to those in need, read uplifting magazines or books. Those are just a few possible things that a person can add to their life which may replace the time you spend engaged in some of the undesirable habits and also to help you to develop the desirable habits.

I thank all those who sincerely read my written thoughts and actually try to improve themselves. Throughout all the conflict in life if we each try to improve ourselves the world will be a kinder, more gentle and Christ like place for us to inhabit.


C.S. Mencl